Genuine Forgiveness

Usually, I avoid political or religious discussions, for a variety of reasons. I’d like to say I keep my posts “light” and humorous; perhaps that was true at some point. While I often do stick to uplifting, at times I wander into deeper waters. This post is that, and more – it is a foray into the unusual, for me.

This morning I saw a billboard that said, “Genuine Christians forgive like Jesus does.”

I’ve been pondering this for hours. I don’t believe a “genuine Christian” is responsible for this billboard. Or, if I’m wrong about that, maybe it is one of those Christians I like to call “bench warmers” – you know, you can find their sanctified asses in the same pew without fail, Sunday after Sunday, carrying their leather-bound King James Bible and raising their hands during the music in proportion to their level of holiness.

I’ll pause to say I am a Christian. My faith is strong. In my early days on this journey (my early to mid-twenties), I was a door-knocking Jesus freak my sister once called a “bible-thumping asshole”. I loved that girl, she’s no longer with us. We had different life philosophies but the same plain-speaking, bottom-line way of getting a point across. And I understood then, and understand now, why she called me such a thing. To her, it was accurate.

To be fair to me, I’ve not been the kind of Christian who spouts things like that billboard mentioned above. I never knocked on a door to pass judgment or scare people into salvation by warning them about the fires of hell (I no longer believe in hell). My heart was always in a place of love and spreading the good word – the truly good word, of the Lord I love - to strangers. I may not have worn the kid gloves when talking to my sister, because we believe we can be less careful with our loved ones, right? I loved her so much, but thought it was okay to skip the pretty packaging. So backwards. We should be MORE careful with our loved ones. Or careful always, with everyone.

Forgiveness is a concept I’ve grappled with every day of my faith walk. Some things are easy to forgive; some are hard; some seem insurmountable. The bible has a lot to say about this topic; preachers visit it regularly; Christians and non-Christians alike are quick to spout off things like that infernal billboard that won’t let my mind rest. I’m stopping to visit the topic myself, not because of anything in particular or anyone who might happen to read this - I want to stress that point heavily. There is always something going on in a life that might make a post like this seem to be a veiled message, but I do not deliver veiled messages. These are broad musings brought on by the billboard mentioned above.

I’m visiting the issue because it bothers me so deeply to have that cursed billboard out there on the highway, shaming people, and throwing down a gauntlet, under the guise of spreading the gospel. It is the very kind of message that I believe puts everybody off on the topic of Jesus.

So, now, I imagine many have scrolled on. That’s okay. Sometimes I write the things that I can’t keep inside anymore just to get them out, it is an exercise I’ve found useful all my life. If you’re still here, thanks for sticking with me.

I have many friends and acquaintances who subscribe to other religions, or life philosophies, or belief systems, besides this one. Vive la difference. I am not arrogant enough to tell anyone that my beliefs are the only ones, or the “right” ones. I want to share a little on this topic from the Christian paradigm, but please understand, I do recognize that for some, it is just that – a paradigm, one system (of many) belief systems, a mythology, a framework of choice. I’ll speak of it as MY truth. Forgiveness is a theme that transcends any particular pigeonhole, anyway.

Buckle up, here comes the supporting documentation of this system…… in the Old Testament, sins were punished constantly. For every sin there was an equal and opposite act of atonement: animal sacrifices; crop sacrifices; though some would scold me for saying this, child sacrifices (what do you think Abraham was about to do to Isaac before God sent the sheep?); fire cleansings; plagues, scourges, famines….. there just wasn’t enough in the way of atonement to cover the multitude of sins so that humankind could ever get to heaven. It was looking like a pretty lost cause after such a (relatively) short time since the “fall” and subsequent expulsion from Eden.

Jesus came as God in the flesh to accomplish what no human could. He came to live as a man, exposed to every temptation and tribulation humans face, with the objective of walking sinlessly, to become the perfect and final sacrifice for all sins.

The New Testament is the final offering of atonement for all. When Jesus hung on the cross, he beheld from that vantage point, every sin that had ever been committed, and every sin that ever would be committed, and he made himself the living sacrifice, to bear them all and be given up to God in exchange for our eternity. Because he never sinned, his sacrifice was accepted; he rose and ascended to his seat beside the Father and intercedes constantly on behalf of all. This is why animal and other sacrifices no longer need to be made on a sin-by-sin basis. Nothing can compare with the burden Jesus bore on behalf of everyone, for all time. Our forgiveness is accomplished, we have only to recognize that the sacrifice was made for us.

Very religious-y. A reminder, this is my paradigm of choice. If you are still reading and you do not share these beliefs, maybe it helps to see this all as a great fable. Either way, it is a story with a hopeful ending for humanity.

Why am I wandering off on this?

Because no one can do what Jesus did, whether it is real or fiction. No one can see the past and the future and the magnitude of sins throughout eternity; no one can live a sinless life and choose to bear that burden for all of mankind – no one can “forgive like Jesus does”. Lots of people don’t even believe in sin, but that is a sort of a side note.

So if a Christian is responsible for that stupid billboard, that is a sanctimonious, self-righteous, hypocritical Christian – the kind who frightens curious seekers of God away from the church and out to look for some other kind of message.

And if some non-Christian is responsible for that bullshit billboard, it is an issued challenge that can’t be met – “unless you can show me THIS level of godliness, you aren’t ‘real’ ” (and by association, your whole belief system is discredited).

What a pointless, defeating statement to put out into the universe.

Paradigms and platitudes aside, forgiveness is one of the most difficult concepts to grasp, one of the hardest things to master, in this life. I can forgive my children for anything, no questions asked. Otherwise, it is an ever-changing landscape of opportunities to practice forgiveness, day in and day out, that I quite frankly fail at more often than I nail it. (That’s a little Jesus pun right there).

And every single day is full of slights, barbs, underhanded acts and comments, back-stabbing, unkindness, thoughtlessness, provocations, lies, maliciousness….. and these are often from people we love. These things are easier to bear from strangers, I sometimes think – until the UPS guy gives me a ration of shit on the telephone and I quit my seasonal job on the spot because “ain’t nobody got time for that”.

Dirty looks, eye rolls (I want to backhand the ever-loving shit out of anyone who rolls their eyes at me), scathing tones of voice – walking away when someone is trying to talk to you, slamming doors, name-calling, putting others down….. there is a long, long list of thoughtless or downright cruel behaviors that just grind people to dust, and that some people seem to think are the “norm”. “Sins” aren’t just the biggies like murder and adultery. Inconsideration, condescension, disloyalty, unkindness, betrayal, spreading gossip – a host of everyday behaviors we may sometimes scratch our heads at, or shrug away – the things that hurt other people – all of these qualify as “sins”.

I’m guilty, everyone is guilty, we all run around on autopilot, metaphorically stepping all over the people we say we love and expecting them to just “get over it”. Sometimes we don’t realize it. Sometimes we can’t relate to what causes someone else pain. When people we love take the risk to try to discuss that with us, we need to listen, and show that we care. Divorces happen every day because years of unresolved “little things” have become a vast mountain of bitterness that is impossible to get over.

Here's a word picture: if we go bowling together, and I lose my grip of my bowling ball, and it falls on your foot, you are going to feel that. It is going to hurt. It may hurt badly; it may break some toes or crush some little bones – depends on where it hits your foot, how heavy the ball is, what shoes you have on….. but no one can doubt that it will leave some marks. You might cry if it hurts badly enough.

In theory I never meant to drop my ball on you. It was an accident; everyone can see that. No need to recognize your pain then, or see if I can help you with that sore foot, or be sorry that you got hurt. Since I didn’t mean to do it, why are you crying? What is your problem? You can work that out yourself. Let me know when you’re ready to keep bowling, but don’t take too long about it.

But - does it hurt less? Does that unbreak your toes, un-crush your bones, dry up your tears? Do you simply not feel that pain, just because I didn’t mean it?

Lots of people don’t see a need to ask for forgiveness, or apologize if they hurt others, or know how to practice forgiveness, given the chance.

There has to be a middle ground between daily inability to see our own “sins” (or forgive others for theirs); and “forgiving others like Jesus does”. There MUST be. It just takes so much TIME to think things through, before and after we speak or act; to think ahead and cut ourselves off at the pass – check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. So much easier to blunder through it all, think of ourselves first, and let the chips fall where they may.

But is it? Is it really?

I’ve never actually found that to be true. The clean up on aisle 12 always takes more energy and effort than a little forethought and consideration. And on top of that, sometimes you just can’t gather up all the broken pieces once they’ve scattered.

We won’t get it right every time, whether we need to forgive, or need to be forgiven – usually, we all need both of those things, most of the time.

Every day is as full of little wounds as it is full of little joys. Some days those things aren’t so little.

Maybe if we can just learn to let our forgiveness of others, and our willingness to humble ourselves and seek forgiveness when we have given offense, always be a little bit “bigger” than the constant little wounds….. maybe that is a middle ground for any paradigm?

Maybe with or without a Jesus, we can all show a little more love?

And these three things remain: faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is love.